Saturday, March 9, 2013

Truth at the End of Life

Elaine Waples
Posted 3/5/13 on TEDMED

Elaine Waples and Her Husband, Brian Klepper
Most of us have spent some time thinking about our own deaths. We do it with a sense of dreadful curiosity, but then we push it aside with “well, we’ve all got to go sometime.”
Unlike most people, I probably know the how, the why, and maybe even the when of that event. It is profound information that turns the world upside down for us, our families, friends and caregivers.
I have cancer that is incurable, aggressive, and has negligiblesurvival odds. My chemotherapy is a long shot. I will leave a spouse, children, siblings and a life that I love and cherish. I cannot imagine existence without them.

I have read the books about stages of grief and end of life. But when all is said and done, truth is the great measure. The truth between doctor and patient when there is nothing else to be done. The truth between patient and family who want desperately to have a few more months or days and cannot. The truth between patient and friends who must accept and move on without bitterness. The truth between patient and spouse, partner, or caregiver who have waited for that moment and are helpless to change it.
Of all things, the simple act of truth has become most important to my husband and me. We talk about my dying. It is a poignant, painful and sometimes funny honesty. We have done it after solemn consults with physicians, during long hospital stays, through gut-wrenching disappointments, and sometimes over toast and coffee on Sunday mornings.
We have learned to be forthright and unafraid of saying it out loud. We deal with small moments – planning vacations, making purchases, visiting family, entertaining old friends – in a sober and reflective way. Routine plans – Christmas with the family; the vacation cottage; an annual trip – become critical decisions. We discipline ourselves to push aside the things that are trivial. It becomes easy to ignore the cracks in the driveway and the clutter in the closet.
And we occasionally treat it with laughter although, perhaps to the horror of some, it is gallows humor. We joke that when I am gone, the piano, the house, the cars will all be his. We laugh and mimic Homer Simpson, believing he is doomed, reading a pamphlet headlined, “So You’re Going To Die.” It reminds us that we are in a real world where playfulness is a part of life.
There is no bucket list. There are no plans to see the great pyramids, kiss the Blarney Stone, or throw a party in Times Square. We look to the small things we have known for decades that have become precious to us now: a walk on the beach, a Saturday matinee movie, sharing a bowl of ice cream, holding hands as we go to sleep at night.
Details – advanced directives, the will, the attorney, the broker – are easy. These will help put affairs in order but they do not address relationships with the world and the people who inhabit it.
The hard things that tug at the heart and create the pain are the unbearable truths to parents that they will lose a child; to siblings that the person they’ve known their entire lives will be gone; to children that they must overcome and move on. They convey a clear and undeniable message to doctors that they must relinquish the desire to salvage, fix and prolong.
But most of all, the truths we come to know lie in the depth and clarity of our bonds. For me, this is reflected in the conversations with my husband, the beloved person in my world. I want him to go on with life; to find someone to share it with; to help the children as they struggle with the loss; to remember the laughter and how much we loved each other. That is all I have left to give him. And for that I extract a bittersweet promise that he will make me laugh until the end, that we will hold hands every night, that we will share the ice cream, that we will always talk about what is happening, and that I will die with him beside me.
It is the dignity, the finality, and the truth at the end of life.
Elaine Waples is retired and lives in Atlantic Beach, FL.

24 comments:

  1. Elaine, Thank you for sharing your journey with such insight and grace. There has been much for me to feel and ponder. Sorry I have never met you.

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  2. This is so touching and beautiful.

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  3. My mother was just diagnosed with Primary Peritoneal stage 4. I thank you for you well spoken insight.

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  4. I decided to share this because i am so glad today and happy that i am alive to see another new day and not just that but also to share the goodnews of how i survived a deadly stage 4 cholangiocarsinoma (bile duct cancer). I was told by my oncologist that she had just 6 months left to live and i was so scared to lose my wife. I was lucky to contact Dr Mrs Aleta who i told all about it and she is the nicest person i have spoken to. She recommended a herbal medicine for her which she took that cured her in less than a month. Well for more info about the medicine and cancer treatment simply reach her on aletedwin@gmail.com she can help you too. Contact her for any form of cancer too.

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  8. I GIVE ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
    I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all fibroid patient in the world. i never believed that their could be any complete cure for fibroid with out going for surgery ,i saw people’s testimony on blog sites and Facebook page of how Dr Williams prepare herbal cure for different king of disease,and with the help of his herb they where able to shrink there fibroid naturally. i had to try it too and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually . Right now i want to tell you all that i just give birth to a baby boy last month,and on thin now i have not had any pain, and i have just went for text last week and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of any fibroid in my system . Glory be to God for leading me to this great Dr Williams I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that their is no herbal cure for fibroid that is Not true ,just contact him and get cure from his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com and you will be free and free forever, Try it and you will not regret it because it truly works. i hope to see your testimony soon.

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  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  10. i have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now. My husband and I
    have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done our best but no luck.
    My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has
    recommended him taking the Proceed supplement which he is doing over 3
    years with no change in the situation .. I was so confused until i
    contacted this powerful spell caster Dr. Ebhota online who I saw a number
    of testimonies of how he has help so many of people so I sent Dr. Ebhota a
    mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to
    cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution,
    Dr. Ebhota cast the spell and I bought some items to complete the spell
    casting and he told me to meet with my husband.. Within 3weeks of doing
    this I felt some changes and I went to my doctor and it was confirm that I
    was pregnant,i promises Dr Ebhota to share his testimony for three years,it has been over a year and four months now,i have been testifying this great testimonies for my life and my husband,for any one how need his help herb potion should contact him,on his Email [ drebhota123456@gmail.com ] or call him on [ +2349035324155 ]

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  11. I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 7 yrs . I found out that I have fibroids, but the doctor wanted me to take out my wombs, I don’t want to do that because I want a baby. I was pregnant once and had a miscarriage ,and i never gotten pregnant again,one night i was on internet,i come across so many lady and woman who was testifying on how dey cure there fibriod totally,i wrote 10 email and 4 contact on a not-book,for two days i did not contact any of the email and contact the next day of it my mind was asking me to contact one particular doctor which was the one of Dr Ebhota,that was how i email him,after some days i receive his message,and i explain everything to him,he said he has the real herbal medicine to cure it finally without surgery;i said let me give a try because it has been so long,that was how i told Dr Ebhota to make the preparation of the herbal medicine and i purchase the herb medicine,and he sent it from me true UPS postal services,when i receive the herb medicine he sent the instructions to me,he ask me to drink the medicine for three weeks,after the three weeks he ask me to go for medical test,which i did,the doctor confirm it that my fibriod is no longer in my body system,i message Dr Ebhota thinking him for his product,he sent another one bottle of his herb to me again,and as me to drink it for one week that it we help to fertilize my worm to enable the baby to stay,he sent the fertility herb product to me,after drinking the herb medicine during the week,he ask me to met my husband which i did,it was last two years i contact Dr Ebhota,i delivered on mach 15-3-2018 this last year,i know is time for me to share Dr Ebhota testimony to the world wide because his herb product,make the woman i me to show that i am truly a woman,,i we live his email and contact for any one how need his herbal product for any similar insure to email him,drebhota123456@gmail.com

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  12. "Dear dr williams, your herb has saved my life and my sanity. I was scared, and had been seeing numerous specialists and almost all of the straight away told me I had to remove my uterus because of my large fibroid. Can you believe this? To top it all up, none of those doctors had answered my simple questions on the subject. I was so scared that I would not be able to have a baby as surgery seemed like the only choice then. Your product had dramatically allayed my fears. I have read many other guides on the subject of fibroids and i think dr williams herb is yours offers and the only true and lasting solution to fibroid. I am a walking living proof of that claim. It has been 3 months since I implemented dr williams herbal portion, and I am now completely clear of fibroids and I am sure I am on my way to become a mother. I also feel very healthy and vibrant. Thank god for your work and support dr williams, for more information about his herb you can also contact his email address drwilliams098675@gmail.com

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  13. I felt so awful when I was diagnosed with fibroid . I felt like my life was ruined since surgery was the only solution. Upon all of my constant research, I stumbled upon Dr Williams blog and articles of his good work that have been published. YOU ARE AMAZING. You have given me hope. This fibroid have cause me so mush pain that my life was deteriorating.Dr Williams You are so courageous and I don’t know if I’ve ever looked up to someone so much. Being famous for writing is my dream and I also have always wanted to make a difference in the world somehow. You are doing both and I think its the deepest thing ever. The world needs people like you to end the fibroid stigma. Never stop being you and thank you for being a voice for us all,you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for his product

    ReplyDelete
  14. i have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done our best but no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has recommended him taking the Proceed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation .. I was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster Dr. Ebhota online who I saw a number of testimonies of how he has help so many of people so I sent Dr. Ebhota a mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution, Dr. Ebhota cast the spell and I bought some items to complete the spell casting and he told me to meet with my husband.. Within 3weeks of doing this I felt some changes and I went to my doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant,i promises Dr Ebhota to share his testimony for three years,it has been over a year and four months now,i have been testifying this great testimonies for my life and my husband,for any one how need his help herb potion should contact him,on his Email [ drebhota123456@gmail.com ] or call him on [ +2349035324155 ]

    ReplyDelete
  15. I GIVE ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
    I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all fibroid patient in the world. i never believed that their could be any complete cure for fibroid with out going for surgery ,i saw people’s testimony on blog sites and Facebook page of how Dr Williams prepare herbal cure for different king of disease,and with the help of his herb they where able to shrink there fibroid naturally. i had to try it too and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually . Right now i want to tell you all that i just give birth to a baby boy last month,and on thin now i have not had any pain, and i have just went for text last week and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of any fibroid in my system . Glory be to God for leading me to this great Dr Williams I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that their is no herbal cure for fibroid that is Not true ,just contact him and get cure from his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com and you will be free and free forever, Try it and you will not regret it because it truly works. i hope to see your testimony soon.

    ReplyDelete
  16. i have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done our best but no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has recommended him taking the Proceed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation .. I was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster Dr. Ebhota online who I saw a number of testimonies of how he has help so many of people so I sent Dr. Ebhota a mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution, Dr. Ebhota cast the spell and I bought some items to complete the spell casting and he told me to meet with my husband.. Within 3weeks of doing this I felt some changes and I went to my doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant,i promises Dr Ebhota to share his testimony for three years,it has been over a year and four months now,i have been testifying this great testimonies for my life and my husband,for any one how need his help herb potion should contact him,on his Email [ drebhota123456@gmail.com ] or call him on [ +2349035324155 ]

    ReplyDelete
  17. i have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done our best but no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has recommended him taking the Proceed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation .. I was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster Dr. Ebhota online who I saw a number of testimonies of how he has help so many of people so I sent Dr. Ebhota a mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution, Dr. Ebhota cast the spell and I bought some items to complete the spell casting and he told me to meet with my husband.. Within 3weeks of doing this I felt some changes and I went to my doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant,i promises Dr Ebhota to share his testimony for three years,it has been over a year and four months now,i have been testifying this great testimonies for my life and my husband,for any one how need his help herb potion should contact him,on his Email [ drebhota123456@gmail.com ] or call him on [ +2349035324155 ]

    ReplyDelete
  18. I felt so awful when I was diagnosed with fibroid . I felt like my life was ruined since surgery was the only solution. Upon all of my constant research, I stumbled upon Dr Williams blog and articles of his good work that have been published. YOU ARE AMAZING. You have given me hope. This fibroid have cause me so mush pain that my life was deteriorating.Dr Williams You are so courageous and I don’t know if I’ve ever looked up to someone so much. Being famous for writing is my dream and I also have always wanted to make a difference in the world somehow. You are doing both and I think its the deepest thing ever. The world needs people like you to end the fibroid stigma. Never stop being you and thank you for being a voice for us all,you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for his product.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I try all my best to get pregnant for a long time of been married. My husband and I have been seeing fertility specialist. We have done our best but no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down, the doctor has recommended him taking the Proceed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation .. one night i come across a lady testimony on my page group on how she was able to get pregnant after drinking Dr Ebhota herb product , so I contacted him and I told him all about my problem, so he agreed to help me with his herb product,he sent me three bottle of the herbal medicine, which i use, he told me to meet with my husband.. within the month of using the herb medicine,after three weeks of drinking the herb, i started having morning sickness and hormonal changes. I immediately went to the my doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant.. all thanks to Dr Ebhota for helping me and my family,Dr Ebhota treatments are an excellent complement he can definitely help you.I highly recommend Dr Ebhota email to the world for does how find it difficult to get conceive,email him if you need his herbal medicine,drebhota123456@gmail.com or contact him +2349035324155, I feel so much better after my sessions with him"

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am Chirag, from Orlando u s a, my wife was diagnosed with fibroid for 6 years, she lived in pain with the knowledge that she wasn't going to ever be well again without surgery, i contacted so many doctors on this issue,and she have use so many western drugs prescribe by various doctors and all was no avail, because she was determined to get her life back, one day i was researching information about fibroid on internet and i saw a post about Mrs Kate thanking Dr Williams who cure different manners of diseases, including fibroid, I contacted him via email and made purchase of the fibroid herb, i received the herb through DHL within 3 days, when i received the herb my wife applied it as prescribed and she was totally cured of fibroid within 4 weeks of usages,and on thin now she have never experience any symptoms of fibroid again,few days later she went back to see her doctor and he confirmed she was completely cured from fibroid, am so happy now, You do not have to suffer more just contact him for his medicine on drwilliams098675@gmail.com he will definitely put an end to that fibroid problem of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am Chirag, from Orlando u s a, my wife was diagnosed with fibroid for 6 years, she lived in pain with the knowledge that she wasn't going to ever be well again without surgery, i contacted so many doctors on this issue,and she have use so many western drugs prescribe by various doctors and all was no avail, because she was determined to get her life back, one day i was researching information about fibroid on internet and i saw a post about Mrs Kate thanking Dr Williams who cure different manners of diseases, including fibroid, I contacted him via email and made purchase of the fibroid herb, i received the herb through DHL within 3 days, when i received the herb my wife applied it as prescribed and she was totally cured of fibroid within 4 weeks of usages,and on thin now she have never experience any symptoms of fibroid again,few days later she went back to see her doctor and he confirmed she was completely cured from fibroid, am so happy now, You do not have to suffer more just contact him for his medicine on drwilliams098675@gmail.com he will definitely put an end to that fibroid problem of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  22. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS

    his product is by far the best plan for treating fibroids naturally...the practical step by step instructions and the detailed information regarding the real cause and how to treat uterine fibroids were a real eye opener. I started dr williams medication after intense bleeding and pain which occurred during one of my rehearsals (I am a professional violinist).I was later that week diagnosed with 2 medium sized fibroids which placed an enormous pressure on my bladder. I was advised by 3 different doctors to undergo surgery to remove these fibroids as I was told that there was nothing I could do to shrink or stop their growth. Luckily, I ran into dr williams by accident as I was searching for information on the net regarding my condition. I was so relieved to have found that surgery was not always the answer, that it can be dangerous and that uterine fibroid can return even after surgical intervention. In less than 4 weeks of taking dr williams herbal portion and following his instruction, both of my fibroid had shrunk by 100% and the second ultrasound taken 7 weeks after I began taking dr williams medication, had shown that both of these were completely gone. I also my periods became regular. and now am three months old pregnant, you can contact his email address on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product.

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  23. There is a safe & effective Natural Herbal Medicine. For Total Cure Call    +2349010754824,  or email him   drrealakhigbe@gmail.com       For an Appointment with (Dr.) AKHIGBE contact him. Treatment with Natural Herbal Cure. For:Dengue Fever, Malaria. Painful or Irregular Menstruation. HIV/Aids. Diabetics. Vaginal Infections. Vaginal Discharge. Itching Of the Private Part. Breast Infection. Discharge from Breast. Breast Pain & Itching. Lower Abdominal Pain. No Periods or Periods Suddenly Stop. Women Sexual Problems. High Blood Pressure Chronic Disease. Pain during Sex inside the Pelvis. Pain during Urination. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, (PID). Dripping Of Sperm from the Vagina As Well As for Low sperm count. Parkinson disease. Obesity, Lupus.  Cancer.  Tuberculosis.  Zero sperm count. Bacteria, Impotence Fertility,Toxoplasmosis, Diarrhea.Herpatitis A&B, Rabies. Asthma.  Quick Ejaculation. Gallstone, Cystic Fibrosis, Esquizofrenia, Cirrhosis,  Premature Ejaculation. Herpes. Joint Pain. Stroke. Coeliac Disease, Weak Erection. Ovarian problem,  Erysipelas, Thyroid, Discharge from Penis. HPV.  Hepatitis A and B. STD. Staphylococcus + Gonorrhea + Syphilis. Heart Disease.  Pile-Hemorrhoid.rheumatism,  Impotence, thyroid, Autism, Sepsis Bacteria,  Penis enlargement, Prostate Problem,  Waist & Back Pain.  Male Infertility and Female Infertility. Etc. Take Action Now. contact him & Order for your Natural Herbal Medicine:  +2349010754824  and email him    drrealakhigbe@gmail.com    Note For an Appointment with (Dr.) AKHIGBE.I suffered in Cancer for a year and three months dieing in pain and full of heart break. One day I was searching through the internet and I came across a testimony herpes cure by doctor Akhigbe. So I contact him to try my luck, we talk and he send me the medicine through courier service and with instructions on how to be drinking it.To my greatest surprise drinking the herbal medicine within three weeks I got the changes and I was cure totally. I don't really know how it happen but there is power in Dr Akhigbe herbal medicine. He is a good herbalist doctor.

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